Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
