she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
