theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
