Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
