Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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