I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
