Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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