Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
