I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize