I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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