whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
