The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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