we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
