why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
