In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
