I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
