A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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