During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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