omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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