Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
