Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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