I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
