don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
