He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
