its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
