Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
