Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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