dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
