More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
