so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Less talking, more tequila
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
