2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
