I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
