Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
