I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
