I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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