Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Actions speak louder than pants.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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