We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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