dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
