Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
