WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bring me that man meat
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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