When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
