I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize