But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
