my vag is so smooth its legendary
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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