There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
