Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
