My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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