I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize