we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
