I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
