Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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