Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize