There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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