All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
