Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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