At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
