Kareoke will never be a sober sport
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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