Sponge bath it is.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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