yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
