just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
