I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
