does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
