My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
