i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
