Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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