know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
