Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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