im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
