A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
