So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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