smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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