Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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