it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
did i walk over a car last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
