she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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