You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
