So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
