Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
