oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
