"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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