After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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