It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They took my balls.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
