so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
