I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
