she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
