I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
