We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
