so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
