I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
