Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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