I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
