This is not my ceiling
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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