1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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