im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
