Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
