soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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