We're facebook friends in real life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
