Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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