I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
