shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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