just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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