you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
