I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
