I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He felt like a one man threesome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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