as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
