bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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