you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it hurts more in the daytime
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
