Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
